My Dear Son,
The emotions you have given me have been the most amazing feelings in my life, touching your skin, smelling your hair, kissing your feet, feeling your little hear beat. I was compelled from the moment your mommy and I knew we were pregnant that I would do everything for you, that I’m afraid I failed at. As my father failed me time after time I made a promise to God if he ever gave me a child I would do everything for that child. Your mother and I tried for quite a long time, without success. After 8 years you sweet Aiden were conceived. We knew you were a gift from God so we gave you the middle name Matthew. At your 20 week ultrasound we were told of a problem, you had a congenital heart defect. Your mother and I were devastated, not for ourselves but for you. What would it mean for you, would your life be inhibited? With the best medical science our country offered we were told “we can fix it”. There was a time they wanted us to “terminate” you, what an awful thing huh little buddy? Your mommy and I were having no part in that whatsoever, not even on a religious level, just on a personal one. You were OUR child, YOU were worth saving no matter what the cost. Your mommy had done an amazing job keeping you healthy, watching what she ate when she had that “tummy” diabetes. She went through one of the most painful births lasting 52 hours, but you know what? None of that matters, because we would have done anything for you. We searched the top hospitals and surgeons in the country to fix your heart, and they did, but for whatever the Lord’s reason, he wanted you there.
I want to tell you buddy, that you made me feel the best feelings in my life, and I will cherish the time me and you spent together, and although you never got to leave that hospital, I will take your spirit everywhere I go. I am so sorry that I could not do more, that I couldn’t save you. I would have much rather traded my life for yours.
Even though I question the Lord, I question his reasons, why he would give children to parents whom disown them, who beat them, who curse at them, who smoke drugs during their pregnancy and we, whom give generously on all levels to all in need are the ones in this situation, makes no sense to daddy. Yet you touched more lives in the 15 days of your short life than most people do in a lifetime and you brought awareness to something that desperately needs attention.
I will forever miss you my little buddy, I will always think and dream of the times I wanted to spend with you, and share things with you. It would have been magical. You have no idea how numb I feel and how sorry I am and how my heart just aches this horrible horrible feeling. I miss you so much already. Please forgive me that I couldn’t do more, I will forever forever forever love you with what’s left of my heart.
Goodbye Aiden, I Love You……..
Matthew 17:19-20 "For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you."We founded a Facebook group called "Praying for Children with Health Problems" - if you have a Facebook account and would like to receive notifications and praise reports on children with heath problems in need of prayer please visit us below:
So sorry about Aiden. He is one of God’s angels now. May God help you and your family get through this hard time. I’ll be praying for you.
You don’t know me but I was asked to visit this website by Randy on the cablbar. I am so sorry for your loss and will pray for your family. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that your son is in being held in Gods arms now.
Peace be with you.
Giorgio
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I also lost our son Zachary after 9 months due to his heart condition. He also passed in the hospital 10 days shy of coming home after his 2nd ohs. If either of you need to talk or vent, please email me. I unfortunately know what you are going through. 12/8/08 will mark one year since my Zachary became an angel.
May you find comfort in knowing that your child knew nothing but absolute love and devotion from his parents in his all too short life, and that may be the very reason God entrusted him to you. The comfort he felt in your arms was powerful, and I know in my own heart as you do, that he feels infinitely more now in the arms of God. May He give you some peace in these dark days; you are amazing people, and your son has indeed changed the world. I am inspired by him and by his parents. I will pray for you.
I am so sorry. I know that words cannot bring comfort to you right now…nothing can. You have changed a lot of lives through your journey and I am praying that you can fine the strength and healing in the days to come. A ton of tears are being cried for Aiden and your family.
I am so so sorry for your loss. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers as will dear little Aiden. My heart is aching for you.
The Cord
We are connected,
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.
It’s not like the cord
That connects us ’til birth
This cord can’t been seen
By any on Earth.
This cord does it’s work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.
I know that it’s there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.
The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe.
It can’t be destroyed
It can’t be denied.
It’s stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.
And though you are gone,
Though you’re not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.
It pulls at my heart
I am bruised…I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.
I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother, father, and child
Death can’t take it away!
Author Unknown
I am so sorry:( My prayers and thoughts go to Aiden and his family!
Levi and Tracy, I checked in on you all just before bed last night. I read the headline about the surgery and Aiden’s initial progress and was so uplifted and then I read the comments from throughout the day and saw that he had passed away. I went to bed and I actually remember dreaming about someone asking me if I was crying. You both displayed such bravery and faith to the whole world, but you two are not superman and superwoman and will have to work through the very powerful emotions of parents who have lost a child, I know from experience. Nobody knows why Aiden was only given such a short life and some might say that God knows best (which he does) but all-knowing isolation is not very comforting way to picture God, and it is not how he responded to death when he was here on earth, he cried and he mourned, and he made it clear that he hates death. That is how he feels about what happened yesterday and as you both pick up the pieces, he shares your feelings. You’ve both been so strong and courageous, yet in these hardest of times I pray that you will both be lifted by the support of fellowship of believers and friends, and that the God who feels everything that you are feeling right now, will grant you his peace.
I am deeply sorry for your loss. My son Aiden was born with CHD as well and I personally am devestated for you and your family. If there is anything u need please know.
My love and support to you and the family
Jodi
I am so sorry to hear about Aiden, as the mother of a heart child
I am sooo sorry to hear the news about Aiden! My heart is broken for you and your whole family! I will also be praying for the comfort of the Lord to be with you and your family. I pray you will continue to walk through the valley of death with your Lord and Savior! Much love to you ALL! I have never met you but your strength, your faith, your love and your sorrow – have touched my heart and my life forever!
I’m so sorry to hear the news about Aiden, our thoughts and prayes are with you.
~Stephanie and Braeden(HLHS)
http://braedensheartjourney.blogspot.com/
My heart is absolutely breaking for you and your wife. May God continue to bless you, and may Aiden know that you did everything in your power to give him a good and happy life. May God bless your hearts as you deal with the pain you feel. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers!
Rebekah
Omaha, NE
Your son experienced nothing but unconditional love in his short life. What a gift you have given him in that. I am sorry I can’t be of more comfort. Please know that a stranger weeps for you and your family and is wishing that you all find peace.
Levi, I am very sorry for your loss. i have sent your story out on my facebook page and several hundred people heard Aiden’s story that would never of heard it and touched all of those lives. I am a father of a child with HLHS and just wanted to tell you that you did not fail your son in anyway. You were a great father and will continue to be God Bless you and your family. My prayers and those of many more go out to you.
We seem to measure life by length when it seems better measured by depth. I wish you could have had both with Aiden . . .
But you loved him strongly, unconditionally, powerfully and without doubt, deeply. . .
I’ve been around long enough to know that there are people who never experience that type of love in the entire length of their life. What Aiden felt from his parents in his little life was immeasurably deep. Thank you for being the kind of parents that understood that and thank you for sharing such personal and private journey. Thank you for letting us know Aiden . . .
I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I had better words to say, but there really are no words. All I can say is that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I honestly believe that Aiden is your angel watching over you now. What a beautiful baby boy. I’m so sorry. May your faith sustain you and bring you comfort during this most difficult and trying time.
I am very sorry about the loss of your sweet son, Aiden. I have been following his journey through this Web site and really had hoped he would defy the odds. My son was born June 18 and he passed June 25. He was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome but passed away before he was stable enough for surgery. Unfortunately there are so many people in the same situation. It just doesn’t feel like it at the time and it’s hard to believe that babies die so frequently.
You did all you could for your son and loved and continue to love him so much. I wish I could offer you some comforting words, but having gone through it, I know there aren’t any.
I’m very sorry.
Im am so sorry I cant even know how your feeling and handling all this, We will keep you and your family up in prayer. I was born with a heart defect, it was very hard on my parents , We thank god everyday im here but for some reason god needed Aiden more in heaven than on this earth. God Bless
Levi, this letter is SO beautiful. I pray you don’t mind if I share it with all my friends and family who have been praying for all of you and feel like they know you. I also know music helps me greatly in my times of need…so, if it does the same for you, here are some choices that might help…when you’re ready…
Godspeed(Dixie Chicks)
Glory Baby (Watermark)
I Will Carry You (Selah)
With Hope (Steven Curtis Chapman)
Much love to you and Tracy.
Please never feel that you have failed. God did not give Aiden to an abuser or druggie. He gave him to a couple that would do everything they could and love him no matter what. Aiden’s short time here touched many lives and made many people aware. He made people talk to God and pray. He united many of those concerned. Thank you to both of you and Aiden for sharing this brief moment in the hardest time of your life. May your pain one day ease but your memories and love will last forever. You will be with him again one day. Just keep your faith. You are wonderful parents and wonderful people with a wonderful little angel now watching over you.
I’m so sorry to hear about Aiden. My heart is breaking for you right now. I’ll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
Levi & Tracy,
My heart is breaking for you, but when I think back on how strong y’all and Aiden were and what wonderful parents you were, I have to smile. You loved Aiden with everything you had and then some. When you thought you needed more love for him, you reached out, and people responded… in tenfold. Aiden was a miracle and not only will you never forget him, hundreds, maybe thousands of people who never even met him, were inspired by him and they will never forget him. What a wonderful footprint to leave on the world.
As difficult a time as we had and are still having with Tristyn, we can never imagine what you and Tracy are going through, nor will we try to.
We will however remember to pray for you and we will tell others about Aiden. Knowledge is power and Aiden’s Journey has the power to educate so many.
God Bless you and we love you and are here for you when the times comes and you need a friend, reach out. We’ll all be here waiting.
Praying and sending love,
Levi and Tracey — I am sorry, beyond words. Aiden fought so hard and so well. You did everything a true father could do, Levi. I understand when you say you would rather this have happened to you, than to your son. You stood ready to take the cost onto yourself, instead.
With love and sorrow,
Pat Kashtock
Praying for your family. We have walked down this road also. May God surround you with quiet and listening people.
I have been praying and following Aidens Progress. I was so optimistic after our baby Viola’s successful surgery. I continued to pray, and God heard our prayers when he called baby Aiden home. God bless you and your wife at this very difficult time, I will continue to pray that the lord eases your pain in this difficult time of loss. Aiden has touched many of us everywhere, I am in florida and I have spread the word for prayer here. He was known of very far away, and did not even know how many people he touched.
May the lord give you the peace you need to move on with your lives, Aiden will always be your baby guardian angel.
Levi,as I read your letter to baby Aiden I just cried my eyes out. I am so very sorry you all had to go thou this but, DO NOT feel you failed him. You know I know your dad and what you went thou growing up, and you DID NOT fail Aiden!! God must of needed another special angel and he sure got one with him. Levi if there is anything, I mean anything, we can do for your family, let us know!!! My family is great like that, we try and help whatever way we can. It is always going to be hard for you and your wife, but you will get thou it, it will take a long time but just keep talking, loving, and just be there for each other. There will be times you get mad for no reason at each other, may even blame each other, but this was not either one of your falt. Just remember that, please! Aiden will always be missed and loved! God Bless!!!!
“Don’t weep for me,weep for those I left behind” My Grandfather asked that this be put up at his funeral. Aiden is in the comfort of the Lord. It is us, here on Earth, that continue to feel so much pain!I am praying for all of you, that you find comfort and peace! All My Love, Casi
I am so very sorry for your loss. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Levi & Tracy~ So so so very sorry about little baby Aiden. We love you, thinking of you, praying for you and if you NEED ANYTHING at ANYTIME please let us know.
I am at a loss for words right now. I am so sorry for your loss. Words cannot make it better but know that many people have been and will continue to pray for your family. I know it is hard to trust in the Lord right now but he will see you through, you are not alone. God bless you always.
I am so sorry for the loss of your angel. I don’t know you but I have been following your journey through Angela Donalson’s facebook. I also lost my son about 5 months ago. I was 38 weeks pregnant and went in for an ultrasound only to see no heartbeat.
Its so sad. But I am so glad you got to spend time with him on earth, as short of time as it was. Aiden will always be with you no matter where you go. I don’t know what else to say but that everyone is crying with you. I’m so sorry. May you find the strength you need. BIG HUGS
Love, Laura
Im so sorry for your loss. If you need anything please ask!
Levi and Tacy,
My name is Lauren and I’m a 22yr. old CHD Survivor. I don’t know you and I just heard about your precious Aiden today. My mended heart aches for you. I know your little boy was a fighter and has touched so many lives. CHD kids like your son are my heroes. Aiden will never be forgotten and he will continue to inspire. This CHD world isn’t always far and that makes me sad. Your little guys short life was very special. I don’t understand why things like this happen and I have no words to make your pain go away, but I want you both to know that your in my thoughts and prayers. I’m sending you warm **Heart Hugs**!!! May God give you strength during this difficult time and know that your son is always with you!!!
Many Blessings,
Lauren (A 22yr. old CHD Survivor)
I am praying I will get the “right” words to write to you , but there seem almost none. Know that many , many people love you both and your son. My dad and I had a near-death experience….he didn’t want to come back……He said;” can you imagine ? Me not wanting to come back to my wife and children?” It was like a restless river , finally being out in the open ocean . Everything was light, drenched with love . This helps me with my baby Eliana. Specially in the hours when we don’t know if she will make it .Please feel you are loved by so many.
http://www.donpiperministries.com/ he wrote a book about his nde. “90 Minutes in Heaven” and “Heaven is real”
Dear Levi and Tracey,
Im so sorry. Aiden will stay in my heart. You both will be in my prayers. I will be praying that Aidens sweet spirit stay near to you, as long as you need him, just as you stayed near to him, as long as he needed you.
Please remember you did everything you could for Aiden. Every decision you made you made with love and with hope that it was the very best for Aiden, you tried so very hard. I pray you know this and never feel like you failed Aiden. Because you did not…you were his most precious protector.
Much love to you…Kim Knipp, mom to Will
I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious baby Aiden.
I replied earlier and have prayed all day for peace for you and your wife. I also shed tears for your sorrow. That’s when I realized that you were touched by an angel. He came, you and your wife were blessed with the joy of parenthood. Although short you were still blessed with a love you never knew you could feel, a different love, for the love for a child of your own is undescribable. After 8 yrs of trying you were still blessed to know the love of a parent, no matter how brief, you were blessed with knowing and feeling that love.
I realized as I thought of you and your wife all day from Florida, and never met you,that you were truly touched by an angel. “It is better to have love and lost, than to never have loved at all.” He will always be with you, and you were blessed with the joy of being a parent, although short.
Annie from florida
Tracy,
I leave with some words of love for Aiden and comfort for you and Levi. You both have a very special angel watching over you now. And he knows how much you loved him and still do love him. Baby’s have a special place in heaven.
I hope this can bring you some comfort during this time.I am allways here for you.
Love Aunt Cindy
I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that God gives you peace and comforts you during your mourning time.. as He promised He would.. Just know that people everywhere are praying for you and your family..
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Aiden is a beautiful baby boy and your story was so touching. I cannot imagine the feelings you have now but your little boy will forever know how much love and faith you both had for him. My heart is aching for you and I will give my many thoughts and prayers to you and your families. God Bless baby Aiden!
After reading all the postings it brings back the basics most of us were tought in a christian home. Jeasus gave his life for ours. Most of these postings are talking of people who are now praying & talking in spiritual terms. I believe Aiden was put here for a reason. For a little boy 15 days old to touch so many hearts…That’s a miricle to me!
God Bless
Randy
Virginia
Levi and Tracy, I am so so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose your child. I lost mine July 2 this year to HLHS. I’ve been following and praying for your little Aiden. It’s really hard to keep your faith after something so unfair happened to the person you love most, unconditionally. I know what helped me is hearing from everyone afterwards about how our little girl changed families all over the world. She had thousands of people praying in prayer groups all over the world. She touched many lives. Someone told me that they believe her soul was so close to perfect, that she didn’t have to serve much time here on earth. She was too good for this cruel world and got to skip it and go straight to the good stuff. That thought helped me out very much. I believe it. She was, to me, a little piece of God that came down, changed lives and did more in her time here than most of us do in a lifetime. Aiden did the same. It’s so hard to say goodbye and never feel the heartbeat or have them hold your finger or look at you again. But he is not lost. He is still around. He’s now everywhere and everything.
Yesterday, when i checked your blog to see how everything was going, I started crying. I immediately asked my little Kaia to find Aiden, hold his hand and show him around. I asked her to look over him and comfort him and play with him. They are in a place where their hearts are no longer their limits but instead they are their wings. Their sacrifices gave so much, and i truly believe that God is blessing them to the highest extent.
This doesn’t take the pain away. That never goes away. But knowing the hero your little one was to so many, should make you two the proudest parents. I know how it feels to think you could have done more….to go over it and over it and over it in your head….to not understand why (when the lessons were learned) your little one still was taken from you. But I firmly believe as soon as we are with them again, we will know the answers and have full understanding of the Lord’s work. I was extremely angry at God, and I think He is okay with that. It’s part of grieving. But He does know best. You probably have no time to read anything right now. But it might help you out to read about Kaia and what she did for people, just as your little Aiden did. When I asked Kaia to help Aiden, I went outside (I like to talk to her most out there since she never got to be out there) and there was a full rainbow in the sky, with a double rainbow next to it and a third rainbow on the other side of it. I’ve never seen three rainbows, but I took it as a sign. Rainbows are a promise from God and I believe that He is promising that Aiden, Kaia and all the other little ones up there, as well as us, the parents, are going to be okay.
Many prayers to you and your wife in times like these. You need the strength now.
much Love, Steph and Eric
http://outofanewhabit.blogspot.com/2009/07/kaia-our-angel.html
Tracy and Levi,
I’m so sorry! I can’t imagine what you guys are going through and I’m not writing this as though I’m trying. I wish there was a way I could take all of this away. I just wish I could be with you guys. I hope that you know that you two are great parents!!! You don’t know how hard it is for some poeple to put themselves before their children! I know, thats crazy right? Thats why kids are negleted, beaten, and abused. You too gave Aiden more love in 15 days, then some people get their whole life from their parents!! You did everything your suppost to do! You can’t fight God! He is who wanted Aiden, for whatever reason! But I don’t even mean that you guys did good by the doctors and the hospitals, even though you were amazing at finding everything and making the hardest disions! I mean that just by loving him and being there for him! All that little boy knew was pain! He didn’t know that people didn’t always feel bad like that. But he did know that when his mommy and daddy came into that room that eveyrthing was ok. Everything melted away when he looked into your eyes and felt your warm hands! What else could he ask for? You were there when he needed you the most! I also think that he was a great son! I think that you guys needed him just as much as he needed you! I think he helped you guys come closer to God! And showed you love like you have never felt before! To take care of a baby is truly the best feeling in the world! I know you guys wouldn’t trade the last 15 days for anything in the world! So, please know that you DID do everything you could! You are amazing parents! And because of that when you talk about Aiden and his story, I hope you do so with a smile on your face! I know the ending is very sad and cruel, but the whole story is amazing! The best thing that ever came into your life! But gone too fast! I can’t imagine what you are going through, I just hope you guys see that this wasn’t your fault! I’m so sorry that you don’t have more time with Aiden! I kow you would have brought him to be such a good person! If you ever want to talk please call me! Even if you want to tell me what outfit he looked the cutest in, PLEASE call me! Talk about him everyday, with a smile on your face! We love you guys! And Aiden!
I am sorry to hear about your loss. Prayers will still be coming from GA for you and your family in this difficult time.
I am so so sorry for your loss. Although you don’t know me, I have been following baby Aiden’s story and praying for him. My heart breaks for you and your family. Your angel has touched so many lives.
Levi and Tracy,
I have been following Aiden’s story through friends of mine. I regret now that I didn’t write to you sooner but please know that there are people that have been touched by Aiden and have been praying for him and your family, that you don’t even know about. My son, Brendan, was also diagnosed at 20 weeks in-utero with a CHD (critical PS and TR). He is now almost 5 months old. I was praying that Aiden would also have a successful outcome. I was devestated to learn of his passing. Levi, you are right, it’s just not fair. Words can not express my condolences to you both. Aiden will live on in so many hearts. He is an angel watching over you forever. You will see him again someday. Praying for your family. Maureen
We are so sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet baby boy. We have been following Aidens story and your love and fight for him. Prayers to you all.
Darcy (a heart mom from St Louis)
We just read a post on the Cablbar directing us here. We are so very sorry for your loss. Please know that he is with God and you and your wife will see him again. I know this has to be very hard on both of you and our prayers go out to you.
Russell Rita and Matt
Levi & Tracy,
I was just one of the many people praying for Aiden and the two of you. My sister has a baby with HLHS named Hope. She had asked that we pray for you guys as well as Hope.
We have a little girl with profound physical and mental disabilities.
We have also struggled with the question why our baby? I didn’t even drink coffee when I was pregnant, while people who do drugs and drink have children who are better off than our daughter Sarah. We prayed so long and hard for Sarah’s well being. Prayed for her to get better, not be in pain, have a fuller life.
There are no good answers for these questions I guess. I know that Sarah does make a difference and so did you having Aiden. You were able to meet him. You were able to love him and hold him. God wanted that for you. Your complete love and compassion for your sweet baby has touched so many people. I pray that you never lose your loving relationship with God.
With deepest sympathy,
Beth
Tracy & Levi,
My heart is absolutely broken for you rght now. I wish I had some magical words of comfort or something to take way all the pain I know you have to be feeling right now. You will both be in my thoughts and prayers. Aiden lives in your hearts forever.
Ashley
Reading this broke my heart. You and your wife did everything possible for your son, it was in God’s hands. I know your beautiful boy does not feel like you failed him so you don’t feel that way either. We all have those questions for God….I know I do. And I’m sure we will get the answers one day. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife. The first year is the hardest. May you find comfort in eachother, in God and in your little miracle Aiden.